you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
