I hate all girls vehemently.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
