You just made me feel so damn special
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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