he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
