i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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