All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
