I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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