so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
