It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
only you would photoshop your dick
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
