Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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