the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
