It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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