my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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