i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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