She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Randomize
