Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
