I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I cut my penus on the lid.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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