so explain again why im purple
no
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
