sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
