i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
