found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
