Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
