I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize