wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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