Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You are the jesus of drinking
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
