And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
