i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
