the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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