I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
splinters make it hard to masturbate
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
