My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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