i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
