You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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