hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
