Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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