I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
