I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
