Dual....:-)
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
