Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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