this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
