This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
