Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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