This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
