Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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