Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
