Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Let's get the cat blown out
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
