I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
