I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
