I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
