i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
