I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
