Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
