im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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