Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
