this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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