Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
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why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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