im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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