umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
