just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
