she was so not down for the gang bang
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
