Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
