Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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