He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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