it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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