Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
