and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
