i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
