I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
