Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Never joke about your clitoris.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
