So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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