No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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